and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
