the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
