omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
