The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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