I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
