i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
