Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
