So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
