Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you win again, gameday.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
