there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
