I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
