At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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