Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
