I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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