The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
