So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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