Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
