there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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