I bet he comes in French.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
