Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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