i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
