i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
