I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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