Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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