Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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