You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
