I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
