You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
