I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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