I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
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Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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