Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
