there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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