Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
