Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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