His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
