I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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