she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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