you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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