I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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