Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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