I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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