she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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