Tell her she can't have a vagina
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
