Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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