I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
