ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize