Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
