um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
