Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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