i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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