WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
