VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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