I love black thongs
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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