the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
