Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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