Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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