For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
