Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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