Barsexuality is the new black.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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