And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
