I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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