I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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