So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
