I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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