if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
