Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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