This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this beer tastes like vomit already
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
