well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
