I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
