I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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