i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
