if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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