he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
