So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
