Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
