6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
