I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
